week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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