do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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