I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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