Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
