so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
