sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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