i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
