Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
