he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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