My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
