id be glad to
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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