and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
