I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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