She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
