Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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