between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
