I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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