Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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