sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A+ Viking dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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