we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
