It's like God shit irony all over that family
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
