did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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