O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
