Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
