I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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