Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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