I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
