3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
