i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
