I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
