Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
