Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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