I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Randomize
