i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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