Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
