My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like iHOP with fire
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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