He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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