remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
