I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
