JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
