My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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