I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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