he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
