Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
