I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize