i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
