Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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