I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
