I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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