I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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