I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
