I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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