Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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