I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
