tell your sister to shave her snatch
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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