nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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