half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
