NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
