What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
soo... how was my night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
