I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
