Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
