Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
