I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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