sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
