Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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