Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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