I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
