Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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