I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
