The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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