we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
