i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
