4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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