my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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