Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
