It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
