Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
