Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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