I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
