Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You left your phone here
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