am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
